No Really it's Me
by GhostAnn
Summary: John Egbert for the first time in his life felt like he had a word for something he had always been insecure about. Moving forward he pulled up Pesterchum but hesitated. EB: i've been re-evaluating what i mean when i say no homo… [One shot]


_Okay... this is a one shot... Please tell me what you think... I am venturing way outside my comfort zone here... Thanks._

 _Warning mild swearing..._

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John Egbert for the first time in his life felt like he had a word for something he had always been insecure about. He frowned pushing away from the computer. Maybe that was a leap… he hadn't really thought too deeply about it till now… he shook his head. No that was a lie…

Moving forward he pulled up Pesterchum but hesitated. He wanted to talk about this new discovery but at the same time… it was a new discovery. Was it really wise to cling onto a- a… label? It was kind of like the moment he read about it he felt. "Yes. Yes. This is me. Wow… I'm not alone."

Shaking his head of the swirling thoughts he decided that there was only one person he could talk to about this…

[EB began pestering CG]

EB: hi karkat!

CG: OH GOD. WHAT HORRIBLE MOVIE IS IT THIS TIME?

EB: what?

CG: ALL YOU'VE TALKED TO ME ABOUT FOR THE LAST MOUNTH AND A HALF IS YOUR SHITY ASS MOVIES!

EB: oh… i mean… none of those movies were shity your taste are shit. like… you have to be uncultured or something to not see the value in these artistic works. heh heh

CG: …

CG: IS SOMETHING WORNG?

EB: no of corse not

EB: can't a bro pester a bro for no reason?

CG: SURE…

CG: *NAROWS EYES SUSPICIOUSLY*

CG: SO I FINALY SAT DOWN AND WATCHED THAT SHITY CON AIR MOVIE. LOW AND BEHOLD IT WAS EVEN MORE OF A DISAPPOINTMENT THAN I COULD HAVE EVER IMAGINED. NICK CAGE REALY IS THE BIGGEST TOOL.

EB: that's cool. can i talk to you abut something?

CG: OH MY GOG THIS MUST BE SERIOUS. JOHN EGBERT JUST BLATANTLY IGNORED A CHANCE TO TALK ABOUT HIS FAVORITE MOVIE EVER! I EVEN INSULTED NICK CAGE WITHOUT REBUTTAL!

EB: its not my favorite- the love is mostly nostalgia anymore really… like i love it because it meant so much to me for so long… once upon a time?

EB: nick cage is awesome and nothing you or anyone else can say will ever change that. there. happy?

EB: …

EB: talking about things I was insistent about for a long time but lost conviction for as time wares on…

EB: i've been re-evaluating what i mean when i say no homo…

CG: WAIT. WHAT?

CG: OH GOG. THIS ISN'T YOU PROFESSING YOUR UNDYING LOVE FOR SOME NOOK SUCKER TO ME IS IT? BECAUSE CONSIDERING OUR PAST, THAT IS KIND OF FUCKED UP ON YOUR PART.

EB: haha? our past? what are you even talking about?

CG: WHAT AM I TALKING- ?! ARG!

CG: OH. NEVER MIND.

CG: *SIGH* LAY IT ON ME. WHO IS THE UNLUCKY NOOK WIF TO DRAW THE ATTENTION OF THE JOHN EGBER?

EB: that's the thing…

CG: NO. NO WAIT DON'T TELL ME. LET ME GUESS! DID DAVE FINALY SUCCEED IN SWEEPING YOU OFF YOUR NERDY GHOST LOVING FEET

EB: er…

EB: no.

EB: pretty sure dave doesn't feel that way about me.

CG: IF YOU SAY SO

EB: even if he dose. you're way off base…

EB: i used to think i was just…

EG: broken?

EB: i mean i might still be, but i just found a word for it.

CG: UHG! YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE RIDDLES! GET TO THE FUCKING POINT!

EB: well…

EB: i just… think that as awesome as this is and how relieved i feel about finding out about this…

EB: thing…

CG: …

EB: i um… am worried that maybe the relief of finding "like minded people," as rose might say, is like idk making me think things that make me think i know what i'm thinking but i'm not sure if its really a real thought to have

EB: wait…

EB: that didn't make any sense…

CG: JOHN YOU NEVER MAKE ANY SENSE.

EB: hehe. can't argue there

CG: UHG! YOU SAID YOU FOUND A WORD FOR YOUR… WHAT IS THIS… A PROBLEM?

EB: i don't know if i'd call it a problem… exactly…

EB: anymore than being gay is a problem i mean

EB: which is to say its not a problem

EB: unless you are the last man on earth and need to help repopulate the planet… could you imagine?

EB: i mean even if it were a person who didn't mined they'd never get to be with a dude again… i mean i guess if they were completely immoral than maybe they could with a son later down the line but could they really be happy like that?

CG: TRAIN OF THOUGHT? WHAT TRAIN? WHAT THOUGHT?

EB: okay… i'm going to say it…

EB: you ready for this?

CG: I SWARE IF YOU KEEP BEATING AROUND THE BUSH LIKE ITS SOME KIND OF NEW PLANT WHACKING SPORT I WILL UP ROOT THAT SHRUB AND STRANGLE YOU WITH IT'S PATHETIC DIRT COVERED ROOTS!

EB: okay. okay. i think…

EB: i think i might be…

EB: asexual

CG: …

CG: WHAT THE FUCK DOSE THAT EVEN MEAN?

EB: it means i'm not sexually attracted to anyone…

CG: HAHAHAHAHA! OH MAN GOOD ONE!

EB: :(

CG: WAIT. YOU'RE SERIOUS?

EB: um… yeah…?

CG: OH… WOW… YOU ARE BROKEN.

EB: ouch.

EB: thanks for the support man and by that i mean you're a huge asshole!

CG: HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN ME?

EB: hehe

CG: … ARE YOU… SURE?

EB: … i think so… it fits…

EB: the lack of feelings… toward anyone…

EB: like… in that way… i mean…

CG: OH…

EB: right…

EB: kk…

EB: do you really think…

EB: am… am i really broken?

CG: FUCK. DON'T ASK ME…

CG: HONESTLY WHO ISN'T "BROKEN" I HAVE ALL THESE FEELINGS AND DREAMS PERTAINING TO ROMANCE BUT HAVE I EVER BEEN SUCCESSFUL IN MY PURSUITS?

CG: NO

EB: oh… it'll happen for you one day. I'm sure of it!

CG: SO DOSE THIS MEAN YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE A RELATION SHIP WITH ANY ONE EVER? LIKE, AT ALL?

EB: no. no… that's whats kind of frustrating? i want to have a family someday… i want to fall in love…

EB: i'm just starting to wonder if i actually can… :(

CG: OKAY. ER… ITS KIND OF LATE… HOW ABOUT WE MEET UP FOR LIKE COFFEE OR SOMETHING TOMORROW AND HAVE A REAL FUCKING FACE TO FACE FEELINGS JAM TOGETHER.

CG: SOUND GOOD?

EB: sounds awesome

EB: and kk… thanks.

CG: WHATEVER.

EB: no man, it really means a lot to me

CG: I KNOW JOHN

CG: GOOD NIGHT

EB: night

[EB stopped pestering CG]


End file.
